Well, it's obvious that I've been slacking in the blogging department lately. And sadly not only the blogging department. But for legitimate reason! I have found myself stretched beyond capacity juggling too many things. I know, look out - here comes the pity party! But Seriously, I came to the decision this week that something had to go. I felt like I was trying to do everything and was succeeding at nothing. At least not as well as I would have liked. So, with the support of my ever encouraging husband I decided to QUIT my job.
I hate that word: quit - it makes me feel like such a lazy quitter. I promise it took a lot of courage to do it! Anyway, I put in my two weeks notice today and will be leaving the company I've worked for for the past five years at the end of the month. It's a bitter sweet feeling; I've loved my job and having that little 'outlet'. But with the company laying off half it's staff due to economic strife, and those of us left having to pick up the slack, my 'little outlet' has become more of a full time, stress inducing burden. The bright side about me quitting is that some hard working, well deserving former employee with a family to feed, will likely now get his job back. There! Now the whole quit word doesn't seem so negative does it? It's more like a win win situation. I can catch my breath and maybe start cleaning my house again and another family can have gainful employment. A happy thing! I really do feel good about my decision and am excited (admittedly a little nervous too) about this next chapter in my life: "Full time stay at home mom". Am I cut out for it? I hope so. I think so.
I had my first "What are you going to do? Nothing?" question when I told my boss I was quitting. I somehow got quite bold and responded as haughtily as I could "No! I am not going to do nothing - I am going to be a Mother". He of course immediately apologized. I'm sure it will not be the last time I have to convince myself and those around me that it truly is something - something big - to stay home with my kids. To teach them how to make a peanut butter sandwich, or float on their back in the pool, or stand up to a bully. Or read to them "The Wizard of Oz" or play 'steamroller' or go hiking. Those are the things I look forward to doing more of. Then why am I nervous? I guess because I have seen some stay at home moms who are completely checked out of life, spending no quality time with their kids, completely idle - who get lots of praise for being stay at home moms. You know the type; they don't have an eye to eye conversation with their kids all day but stay up 'till two am perfecting their scrapbooks. I never want to be that woman. I don't want to fall into a lazy lifestyle while claiming to be a saint for doing it. I want to make every second ss a stay at home mom count and that's a daunting task. I get overwhelmed at the enormity of it (I know for many wonderful women it's just second nature and they're laughing their heads off at my anxiety right now). So wish me luck in my new endeavor! Sink or swim I'm jumping in.